The Journey's End

So today is my birthday and I thought this was time to reflect about my cancer journey. It is over one complete year; my journey with cancer. On September 3rd, 2010, my OB/GYN found a mass during a routine exam. On September 6, 2010, the first CAT Scan found a mass that later turned out to be uterine cancer. On November 18, I had surgery. In December I started radiation and then in May I began chemotherapy. Little did I know that God was taking me on a journey that would bring tears, laughter, renewed familial relationships, strengthened friendships, and His glorious presence.

What happened in that year?
First, God was there. From the beginning He filled me with confidence that "it was going to be OK." There was no fear, no worry; every moment I knew that God was keeping me safe in His arms. Over and over the Lord brought to my mind the parable of Jesus calming the storm (Mark 4: 35-41). I knew that the One who controlled the winds and the waves also controlled the events of my life. How could I be afraid when the Master was in absolute control? It is hard to explain how real God's presence is at times that seem so bleak. But there was always a sense of peace and the knowledge that this trial would pass and all would be "normal" again. Yes, there were days when I cried out in pain and desperation, but, almost immediately there was a stillness that came over me as He wrapped me in His arms. It felt much the way I remember feeling when my mother would hug me and kiss my tears away.

Second, He prepared the road ahead of me by providing everything I needed. He provided wonderful, Christian doctors; before surgery, my doctor told me that he never went into surgery without first praying. Always in the front of my mind was a desire to glorify Him in this journey. I wanted those around me to know that God was controlling my cancer. To my radiation technicians and to my chemotherapy nurse, I wanted to relay to them that I was so glad God had given them the special skills to take care of me. He provided insurance policies that would take complete care of the financial aspect of cancer; these policies were taken out years ago and long since forgotten by me. He sent loving friends to bring meals and words of support; school friends and church brothers/sisters poured out love upon my family. He provided a longtime friend, who now works with the American Cancer Society, that would help with gas money and wigs.

Third, He renewed many relationships with my family. One of the main prayers I had was that God would use this illness to draw me closer to my family and my family closer to God. Of course, my faithful Lord has exceeded my expectations. One nephew is sending daily scriptures through text message. One sister has dusted off her Bible and has sent encouraging scriptures on "those days."
My other sister has been faithful to call each week so she can give the report to the prayer group on Wednesday night. The third sister has told me often that she is praying for me. My oldest daughter has come home to help care for me and for the first time in many, many years both of my daughters were at church with me. My three little grandsons have learned the power of prayer; their sweet little prayers have blessed me on "those dark days." There are no words that can describe my awesome husband; he has kept the family going in these days.

So the end of this cancer journey is my happy birthday present. Praise God who does great things and gives me blessing beyond measure.

God's Manifestation in the LIfe of His Children

God is good, all the time, in all circumstances.

It has been awhile since I have written an update on my battle of cancer. This journey has been longer than anticipated but the prayers of friends and family have sustained. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." has been my encouragement.

I want to tell a story about God's real, physical manifestation in the middle of this battle. It is a long story with flashbacks, but if you stick it out and read the whole thing, you will see a blessing from God. Although this blessing was for me, I believe that if we look for them, He sends blessings in all of the lives of His children.

I must be honest, about two weeks I fell into a pit of despair. It had been a week of intense side effects from the Chemo. In addition to the physical pain, the fatigue had incapacitated me to the point of that I could not function physically or mentally. I knew God was in control but I began to cry out to Him, "What is the purpose of this illness? Can you please just show me some reason for this?"

Carl came home for lunch and brought in the mail. This was literally in the midst of my crying out. There was a letter from the Texas Teacher Retirement system telling me that I had made a mistake on my application. This added to my despair. I needed that money to open the business and now there would be more delay. But the last sentence of the letter was the hidden blessing. "We must have a written statement saying that you are not buying back your years or the money for the years."

OK, first flashback. I was an instructional aide for six years. When I decided to go back to school, I pulled my Teacher Retirement to pay for my teaching degree. When I decided to retire the TRS (Teacher Retirement System) sent me two estimates, one with the six years and one without the six years. The cost to buy back those six years was $14,000. I dismissed the possibility because I did not have $14,000 thousand dollars. So the retirement papers were filled out and sent in without the additional years.

Flashback number two. Years ago I bought a disability policy from work. I had completely forgotten about the policy. The BISD payroll clerk, Suzanne Baker, called me to ask me if I wanted to file for the disability. I had to do the claim before my last day of work since I was retiring. Of course, I wanted to file for the disability. Now you may call this chance, but I call it God. This could have gone unclaimed, but I believe God placed it in Suzanne's mind to call me about this policy. You see, because I had so many sick days,I did not fall into the normal need to make this claim. Suzanne told me that it just suddenly occurred to her to check on my disability insurance. So we quickly sent off the claim and waited to see what the payoff would be. When the check came, I was astounded by the amount of the check. I deposited into the bank and thought I would decide what to do with it later.

Back to the day of my despair. Remember, I got the letter from TRS. Carl put it aside and said we would deal with it later, since obviously I was in no state to think about anything at that moment.

OK, I am getting to the good part so keep reading. I went to bed that night and fell asleep. At 2 AM I was literally awaken with a clear mind and with one thought. Because of the disability check, I have the $14,000 to buy back my years. With more energy than I had had for months, I got out of bed and found my retirement packet. If I bought back the years, the difference in my lump sum payoff was $25,000 and the difference in my monthly annuity would be $500. Wow, God is so good.

Do you get it? In His "pro""vision" God had now provided for my future in a very physical, real way. Not only would the lump sum allow me to buy the building for the my new business and have enough for stock; now I would have an extra $500 a month for the rest of my life! God saw what I could not see and He used the circumstance of this illness to provide for my needs the rest of my life.

You can imagine Carl's surprise when he woke up to a wife with renewed energy and excited about life. I could hardly wait for the bank to open so I could go get the check to send it to TRS.

Now, I don't want you to miss the blessing here. The disability money came after the first retirement application was sent to TRS. If I had not made the mistake, I would not have been able to buy the years back. Now you may think I am stretching here, but I truly believe that God's timing is supreme and it was God's timing throughout this process.



So, I want to leave you with the Message version of Jeremiah 29:11. I find the Message is written in more direct language that hard headed people like me need to hear sometimes. "I know what I am doing, I have it all planned out---plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."

Praise God for whom all blessings flow!

My Cancer Journey Continues

Dear Family and Friends,


I want to begin by thanking all of you for your loving prayers, wonderful meals, and precious cards during these last months. I do not know how anyone could make it through a severe illness without the support of families and friends.

I am writing this to you about my cancer journey. First, let me say that I am clinging more than ever to Romans 15:13, “May the God of Hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in Him that you may overflow with Hope through the Power of the Holy Spirit.” I have a wonderful Doctor (Dr. Phillips) who reminds me at each visit that he consults with God about the treatment of his patients. So while I have confidence in the skill of this Godly man, I still proclaim that my Hope is in God.

My surgery in November went well and the doctor was able to remove a tumor that led to the diagnosis of Endometrial Stromal Sarcoma. I went through six weeks of daily radiation treatments at the Harrington Cancer Center under the care of Dr. Stafford. God blessed me by providing wonderful professional who took me through the treatments with tender care. At each step of the journey, I have not been afraid because my faith remains unshaken. For I know the same Savior who controls the wind and the waves has my life in His hands (Mark 4:35-40).

On each step of this journey, I have prayed that I would not have to undergo Chemotherapy, mainly due to the memories I have of my mother’s chemotherapy treatments many years ago. I confess to you that I did not want this leg of my journey and I have prayed asking God to spare me these treatments. For the first time in my life, I think I have a small understanding of Jesus’ prayer to let the cup pass from Him (Luke 22: 42). But, God has a different plan for me and so the next step of my journey will be six to eight months of Chemotherapy. I will receive the treatments in Lubbock every three weeks and will last six hours each time. During these months I will cling to Romans 5:1-5 knowing that my faith increases my hope.

So once again, I am asking you to pray for me and my family (James 5:13-16). Please pray for me on Monday, April 24th as the doctor implants the port for the Chemotherapy treatments. Please pray for travel safety as we will be going to Lubbock every three weeks. Please pray for my family as they care for me. Please pray for me as I endure the side effects of the Chemotherapy treatments, beginning Tuesday, April 25th. Please for me that I will regain my strength between treatments to be able to continue my daily activities.

I want to close by reaffirming to you that I have felt God’s presence at each leg of this journey. The most recent evidence comes in the form of the TAKS test. As many of you know, one of my jobs for BISD has been to coordinate the administration of the TAKS test at BMS. This is a time consuming job that takes an extreme amount of energy. This year, it was decided—long before anyone knew I was sick—to turn this responsibility over to the BMS Counselor. Next week is the “big” week of TAKS administration—there will be a test every day. I love the way God made provision for my illness and the beginning of Chemo treatments. There is no doubt in my mind, heart, or soul that God knew I would begin this difficult leg of my journey the same week as the “big” TAKS week.

To God be the Glory; Great things He has done; Great things He will do.

Father Are You There?

I was one of those bad Moms; I let my children sleep with me. My youngest was especially attached and when Dad decided she was to old to sleep between us, it was hard for her to be alone in her room. Almost every morning we would find her laying on the floor beside our bed inside her sleeping bag. No matter what punishment we threatened, fear would grip her during the night and here she would come. She just wanted to be near us.



When she was in second grade we moved into a new house. It was decided that Kimberly's room would be the one attached to the master bedroom. There was even a door that came from her room into ours. Surely this would make her feel safe at night so she could finally sleep in her own bed.



But each night the old fears would attack and she would say, "Mommy, can you hear me?" I would reply, "Yes, baby, I can hear you, can you hear me?" Seconds later, "Mommy, are you there?" "Yes, baby, I am still here?" In just a few minutes, "Mommy, can you hear me breathing?" With a deep sigh I would say, "Yes, baby, can you hear me breathing?" After a longer time, "Mommy, I love you, are you there?" With a smile, I would reply, "Yes baby, I am here, I love you, too." As sleep would begin to invade her little body, I usually got one last request, " Mommy, if you hear something will you come get me?" Knowing she was almost asleep I would reassure her, "Yes, Baby, but you are safe so go to sleep."



Now years later, I find myself being that little girl wanting reassurance from my Father. As I wait on the doctors, I find myself saying, "Father, can you hear me?" I am always met with the answer, "Yes, Debi, I can hear you."



Feeling confident, I proceed into life, but then comes another doctor appointment and more news and again I cry out, "Father, are you there?" "Yes, child, I am here." Once again, reassured and confident, I go on about my daily life.



Then Satan sends his ugly fear again, and I finding myself gasping, "Father, can you hear me breathing?" Lovingly He reminds me, "Yes child, I am the breath of life, I hear you breathing."

Christianity in Action: Even in the Snow

This weekend my wonderful husband and I went for a sleep study. Since we were a couple, the nurse decided to wire us up in the same room at the same time. Now in our 35 years of marriage we have shared many things, but I can honestly say, this was a new experience.

As she wired us, we talked about many topics including our jobs, grandchildren, and children. Toward the end of the wiring session, the nurse asked how long we had been married. I was proud but not surprised when Carl replied, "We've been married 35 years." To this she replied, "You two are such a hoot. I can tell you have fun together." Carl's next answer did surprise me, "Last summer we did a study with a young couple on Love Languages. That study really helped us understand each other." You guessed it, her question was, "What were your love languages?" My husband had now turned this wiring session into an explanation of love languages and how God uses an understanding of those languages to strengthen relationships. Now I am sitting with wires coming off my head feeling very guilty. My husband is witnessing to this nurse, while I am ignoring her by doing a Sudoku puzzle. He has taken an opportunity to show a person how Christ is alive and active in people's everyday lives.

The next morning we awoke to terrible snowy weather. We decided before driving home we would treat ourselves to the breakfast buffet at Furr's. We were the only car in the parking lot, but my rule follower husband would not park in the handicap parking next to the door. Oh no, he decides to park across from the door and gets stuck in a snow bank. After several minutes, he frees our car and at my urging (nagging) he parked in the handicapped spot.

Just as we settle into our spot, a car pulls up in front of Furr's and several women get out. The car pulls away from the door, and you guessed it, got stuck in the same snow bank. Now my husband decides to help the young man get free. He goes over and starts to push. As he is pushing, the car swerves toward him and I am sure he will be run over. To this sight while sitting in the warm car, I am saying, "Carl, just get in this car before you get hurt." Of course, he did not hear me because now he is using a shovel to dig the car out. After many minutes of pushing, digging, and swerving the car goes free.

As we are sitting eating our breakfast, the manager of Furr's comes over. She begins to tell Carl how much she appreciated his help with the car. It seems that the young man was the husband of the cashier and he had brought several ladies to work. The manager told Carl that it wasn't often that a person was willing to help a stranger and that she wanted him to have a gift card as a reward for his effort. Carl replied that there was no need for a thank you. He told her, "That is what people do, they help someone in trouble." Now I am feeling very guilty, because you may remember, I just wanted him to get in the car.

I am glad God sends gentle reprimands to me. I began to wonder how many opportunities I had missed to put my Christianity into action. Colossians 4:17 "And whatevery you do or say, whether in word or deed, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."

Does that include getting a car out of a snow bank? You bet it does, I am sure if Christ had been in the parking lot He would have been helping. But since Christ was not physically there, Carl had to be His hands and feet.

Does that include telling a nurse that a Christian based study on love has helped our marriage? Of course, it does. If Christ had been in the room, He would have proclaimed the blessing of a Godly spouse. But since Christ could not physically be in the room, Carl had to be His mouth.

So Lord, I am reprimanded. Thank you for reminding that we, the Christians, are your hands, feet, and mouth on this earth. Keep ever present in my mind that everyday life offers countless opportunities to share the love of Christ with lost and huring people.

Yes, our Christianity should be in action, even in the cold, bitter snow.

Snow Days and Precious Memories

There is something so beautiful about snow. The glistening blanket of snow is pure, unblemished, untouched by anything or anyone. I am always reminded that God has covered my sins making them as white as snow; before God I am pure and unblemished.

Any accumulation of snow in the Texas Panhandle brings with it closings of schools, churches, and any social events. These closings force families into their homes where they actually have to spend time together.

Because I work for the school system snow days are bitter sweet. In one sense it is a day off work but on the other hand it is a loss of a holiday. In this case, the Monday after Easter which is one of my favorite days out of school. So as I contemplated being home today, I began to remember many precious memories of days gone by.

I grew up in Phillips, a company town. One winter it snowed so much that everything stopped; in fact, the snow was so deep everything was shut down for several days. My father worked at the Phillps plant; since no one could come or go, the men who were at work when the snow started were stuck. My mother was trapped at home with four girls. Mom did not drive and, even if she had we only had the one car which was with Dad at work. Many families including mine could not get to the store to get groceries or anything else for that matter. In our little town we had the Cut Rite Grocery owned by Frank Badeen. Soon our phone rang, it was Frank asking if we needed any groceries. Mom gave him her list and he assured her he would bring the supplies. Do not ask me how he managed, but before the end of the day, Frank arrived with our groceries. When Mom offered him what money she had, he replied, "Just pay me when you can." I do not know how many families he helped during those days, but I know that to the Cheatwood family, he was an angel sent by God.

My Mom loved to read and I am fortunate that she taught me to love books. She bought books from our Weekly Reader Book Club and kept them ready for snow days or days when we were sick. So on snow days, we each got a book wrapped up in our blankets and started to read. I think these days are the reason that once I start a book I want to read until I have it finished. When we finished our book, Mom would ask us to tell her all about it. Still today on a snowy day, I am tempted to curl up under a blanket with a book.

So today is a snow day and I am the Grandma. I am at home with three little boys and I am trying to create memories for them. We started under a pile of blankets watching an exciting episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. After breakfast we broke out the Play Doh, a special treat. The boys love it, Nana not so much, but it is fun watching them create monsters and globs. After lunch, an energetic game of Wii Sports and Star Wars, the Clone Wars. I am making stew and brownies. Each boy is picking out a book to read under our pile of blankets.

Glistening snow is beautiful, but today the most beautiful thing in the world is the smiles on three the faces of three little boys.

Eternal Events

I love the way God deals with our family. Tonight the five year old informed us that we had missed the four year old's Christmas program. We were shocked and dismayed at this news. There had been no note to tell us and no reminder from the school. Just to make sure we understood the enormity of the situation, the five year old told us how his little brother had looked around for Mommy, Nana, and Pepe'. He assured us that he had waved at his little brother and smiled at him. Our hearts were broken at the thought of our little miracle boy singing and looking anxiously for us. We were feeling sad, angry, and guilty all at once.

After an hour or so of lamentation over the lost opportunity to see our baby in his Christmas program-an event that could never be recaptured- Kimberly took the boys home to get ready for the next day. Hopefully, there would be no more missed programs or parties.

When they got home the boys went into their room to play. Soon Austin was back in a panic. "Mom, does the Devil live in the ground under our house?" Nathanael, the missionary, had been talking to his brother about the fact that anyone who did not have Jesus in their heart would have to live with the Devil under the ground. After an affirmative answer, Austin said, "Mom, I have got to ask Jesus in my heart right now." So, Kimberly had the wonderful, joyous privilege of leading her oldest son to the Lord.

Now the sadness of missing a temporal event like the Christmas program had been replaced with the joy of the eternal event of a sinner being reconciled to God. Austin told Nana on the phone, "The angels are singing Glory to God in the highest because I asked Jesus in my heart. And they are telling God and He is so happy."

No wonder Jesus loved the little children so much. This is the truth, that when one sinner accepts Jesus, there is much praising in Heaven.

While I am sad that we missed Tyler's program, I am glad that God sent a reminder that eternal things are more important than temporal things. Glory to God in the highest, my grandson is a child of the King.