For my birthday, my oldest daughter, Julianna gave me a book called "For I know the Plans I have for You." She chose this book because Jeremiah 29:11 has been the scripture that saw us through a year of cancer treatments and doctor appointments.
The first day is titled, "A Bright Future." The scripture for the day is Proverbs 16:3. Now I am a translation freak meaning that I love reading the same verse in different translations. This scripture in the book was from the NIV, "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." The Message says, "Put God in charge of your work, then what you've planned will take place" and the New Living says, "Commit your actions and your plans will succeed". So these three are very similar in meaning. If God is in charge, if what I am doing is done within the will of God, then I will succeed. Good to know in my life. Especially since I have started a new phase of my life.
But the King James says, "Commit thy works unto the Lord and thy thoughts shall be established." Now wait a minute, this translation actually requires two actions. The first to commit the work to the Lord. In my Christian life, I do not remember a time when committing the actions of our daily lives to God. It seems to be the theme of books, songs, and messages. This idea that our daily lives should glorify God.
The King James also says, "and thy thoughts shall be established." Now to me this mean that when we commit the actions of our daily lives to God, then our thoughts will be on serving God in meaningful and productive ways. God never intended us to live in the isolation of Christianity. He did intend that our lives would be the very word of God to the lost world.
Now as I said, Jeremiah 29:11 has been our family anthem this last year. We were sustained by the promise of God's hand on our future. Now that the trial has passed and it is time to go forward with my life, it is time to be an active part of that bright future God has for me.
"God has designs on our future...and He has designed us for the future. he has given us something to do in the future that no one else can do." Ruth Senter
God promises every believer that He will prosper not harm in the future. But I believe that God also wants us to be find way to be active in our future by doing the work He has ordained just for us. What is your work? What action does God want you to take? These are the questions I am asking myself. However, one thing I am certain of, "God will be in Charge of My Work."
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
A Love That Lasts
In September of 1974, God sent a gift into my life. That gift came in the form of an Air Force Staff Sergeant named Carl Duso.
You see my Mama was a praying woman. This wise woman saw that my life was beginning to spiral, so she began to pray that God would send me a husband. Now I knew she was praying for me a husband and I would mock her saying, "Mama, God doesn't send men knocking out the door. You have to go out and find one."
Well on that Saturday in September, God sent Carl Duso knocking at my door. A friend of mine was dating a friend of his and he needed a date for the evening. I can honestly say it was love at first site but the deal clincher was the fact that he cried during the movie, "Where the Red Fern Grows." I knew right then I wanted to marry this man.
Surprisingly to me, he felt the same way and within three weeks we were engaged. We married on January 4, 1975 and my life was changed forever.
But the gift was not that God had honored the request of my Mama's prayer and sent a wonderful man knocking at my door. The gift was not a marriage that has seen the test of time. No, the gift was the unconditional love of my sweetheart. For the first time in my life, I understood unconditional love. Carl love me just the way I was and never asked me to be anything except myself. I saw the unconditional love of the Saviour modeled by this man, my soul mate.
No time in our marriage has his unconditional love been more evident than in the last year. During a difficult extended illness, all the burden of our lives fell on Carl's shoulders. He never hesitated and did everything I needed to survive. He held my hand in the hospital when I was recovering from surgery. He drove me to countless doctor appointments filled with disappointing news. He hovered during the days of pain and comforted me the best he could. With the help of my two daughters, he took over all the household duties. Basically, he took all the worry out of my life so I could focus on getting well.
Yes, once again, my husband was modeling the attributes of Christ. He was my Rock, my Comfort, my Provider. Now, I want you to understand, Carl can model these attributes because for the last year he has lived Phillippians 4:13, " For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." He would be the first to tell you that he does nothing in his own power, but through the Christ who lives inside him, he can do all things.
So Happy Anniversary, Duso. I am so glad God answered my Mama's prayer and sent you into my life thirty-seven years ago.
You see my Mama was a praying woman. This wise woman saw that my life was beginning to spiral, so she began to pray that God would send me a husband. Now I knew she was praying for me a husband and I would mock her saying, "Mama, God doesn't send men knocking out the door. You have to go out and find one."
Well on that Saturday in September, God sent Carl Duso knocking at my door. A friend of mine was dating a friend of his and he needed a date for the evening. I can honestly say it was love at first site but the deal clincher was the fact that he cried during the movie, "Where the Red Fern Grows." I knew right then I wanted to marry this man.
Surprisingly to me, he felt the same way and within three weeks we were engaged. We married on January 4, 1975 and my life was changed forever.
But the gift was not that God had honored the request of my Mama's prayer and sent a wonderful man knocking at my door. The gift was not a marriage that has seen the test of time. No, the gift was the unconditional love of my sweetheart. For the first time in my life, I understood unconditional love. Carl love me just the way I was and never asked me to be anything except myself. I saw the unconditional love of the Saviour modeled by this man, my soul mate.
No time in our marriage has his unconditional love been more evident than in the last year. During a difficult extended illness, all the burden of our lives fell on Carl's shoulders. He never hesitated and did everything I needed to survive. He held my hand in the hospital when I was recovering from surgery. He drove me to countless doctor appointments filled with disappointing news. He hovered during the days of pain and comforted me the best he could. With the help of my two daughters, he took over all the household duties. Basically, he took all the worry out of my life so I could focus on getting well.
Yes, once again, my husband was modeling the attributes of Christ. He was my Rock, my Comfort, my Provider. Now, I want you to understand, Carl can model these attributes because for the last year he has lived Phillippians 4:13, " For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." He would be the first to tell you that he does nothing in his own power, but through the Christ who lives inside him, he can do all things.
So Happy Anniversary, Duso. I am so glad God answered my Mama's prayer and sent you into my life thirty-seven years ago.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
The Wonder of a Bible Story
Today during his Bible lesson Tyler was learning the story of Elizabeth and Zacharias. Now with Tyler, you never know how he will interpret the story being told. Today he stands up and yells, "He is having a baby, and he never had one. He is really old like you and Pepe'. I cannot believe it." Next he says, "He should have listened; God told him." Finally he says, " Now he can talk; I bet he is glad." The ability to talk is very important to Tyler.
As I reflected on Tyler's reaction I thought about us "old folk Christians". Tyler was amazed at the miracle of Zacharias and Elizabeth having a baby when they are old. When was the last time I read a familiar story in the Bible and was amazed. I am afraid that all too often the stories in the Bible become routine and lose their wonder. The adult John was the one who announced the arrival of Jesus' ministry. The circumstance of his birth is wondrous. God had a special plan for the baby John and even in his mother's womb, he was recognized the Savior and rejoiced at His presence. I love when I can feel God's presence and His very power at work in my life.
The next part of the story that was important to Tyler was Zacharias' disbelief. Now Tyler knows that not listening can cause a person BIG trouble; he has many experiences with this particular problem. I hope as a "mature" Christians remember the consequences of not listening. God speaks to us daily. In my life, sometimes He uses other Christians, sometimes he uses family, but most of the time He uses my prayer life. It is in times of prayer that God speaks to me.
Tyler likes to talk. He talks non-stop from the time he wakes up until he falls asleep at night. Tyler doesn't really need people to talk to, he is fine with talking to himself. For Tyler, Zacharias' punishment was severe to not be able to talk. Wow! So when Zacharias could talk again, what a relief! Although a time of trial is not always a punishment, a difficult circumstance can seem to last forever. When the dark time is over, I rejoice in the goodness of God; the fact that He never leaves us in distress, but brings into a full, abundant life.
As I reflected on Tyler's reaction I thought about us "old folk Christians". Tyler was amazed at the miracle of Zacharias and Elizabeth having a baby when they are old. When was the last time I read a familiar story in the Bible and was amazed. I am afraid that all too often the stories in the Bible become routine and lose their wonder. The adult John was the one who announced the arrival of Jesus' ministry. The circumstance of his birth is wondrous. God had a special plan for the baby John and even in his mother's womb, he was recognized the Savior and rejoiced at His presence. I love when I can feel God's presence and His very power at work in my life.
The next part of the story that was important to Tyler was Zacharias' disbelief. Now Tyler knows that not listening can cause a person BIG trouble; he has many experiences with this particular problem. I hope as a "mature" Christians remember the consequences of not listening. God speaks to us daily. In my life, sometimes He uses other Christians, sometimes he uses family, but most of the time He uses my prayer life. It is in times of prayer that God speaks to me.
Tyler likes to talk. He talks non-stop from the time he wakes up until he falls asleep at night. Tyler doesn't really need people to talk to, he is fine with talking to himself. For Tyler, Zacharias' punishment was severe to not be able to talk. Wow! So when Zacharias could talk again, what a relief! Although a time of trial is not always a punishment, a difficult circumstance can seem to last forever. When the dark time is over, I rejoice in the goodness of God; the fact that He never leaves us in distress, but brings into a full, abundant life.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
The Journey's End
So today is my birthday and I thought this was time to reflect about my cancer journey. It is over one complete year; my journey with cancer. On September 3rd, 2010, my OB/GYN found a mass during a routine exam. On September 6, 2010, the first CAT Scan found a mass that later turned out to be uterine cancer. On November 18, I had surgery. In December I started radiation and then in May I began chemotherapy. Little did I know that God was taking me on a journey that would bring tears, laughter, renewed familial relationships, strengthened friendships, and His glorious presence.
What happened in that year?
First, God was there. From the beginning He filled me with confidence that "it was going to be OK." There was no fear, no worry; every moment I knew that God was keeping me safe in His arms. Over and over the Lord brought to my mind the parable of Jesus calming the storm (Mark 4: 35-41). I knew that the One who controlled the winds and the waves also controlled the events of my life. How could I be afraid when the Master was in absolute control? It is hard to explain how real God's presence is at times that seem so bleak. But there was always a sense of peace and the knowledge that this trial would pass and all would be "normal" again. Yes, there were days when I cried out in pain and desperation, but, almost immediately there was a stillness that came over me as He wrapped me in His arms. It felt much the way I remember feeling when my mother would hug me and kiss my tears away.
Second, He prepared the road ahead of me by providing everything I needed. He provided wonderful, Christian doctors; before surgery, my doctor told me that he never went into surgery without first praying. Always in the front of my mind was a desire to glorify Him in this journey. I wanted those around me to know that God was controlling my cancer. To my radiation technicians and to my chemotherapy nurse, I wanted to relay to them that I was so glad God had given them the special skills to take care of me. He provided insurance policies that would take complete care of the financial aspect of cancer; these policies were taken out years ago and long since forgotten by me. He sent loving friends to bring meals and words of support; school friends and church brothers/sisters poured out love upon my family. He provided a longtime friend, who now works with the American Cancer Society, that would help with gas money and wigs.
Third, He renewed many relationships with my family. One of the main prayers I had was that God would use this illness to draw me closer to my family and my family closer to God. Of course, my faithful Lord has exceeded my expectations. One nephew is sending daily scriptures through text message. One sister has dusted off her Bible and has sent encouraging scriptures on "those days."
My other sister has been faithful to call each week so she can give the report to the prayer group on Wednesday night. The third sister has told me often that she is praying for me. My oldest daughter has come home to help care for me and for the first time in many, many years both of my daughters were at church with me. My three little grandsons have learned the power of prayer; their sweet little prayers have blessed me on "those dark days." There are no words that can describe my awesome husband; he has kept the family going in these days.
So the end of this cancer journey is my happy birthday present. Praise God who does great things and gives me blessing beyond measure.
What happened in that year?
First, God was there. From the beginning He filled me with confidence that "it was going to be OK." There was no fear, no worry; every moment I knew that God was keeping me safe in His arms. Over and over the Lord brought to my mind the parable of Jesus calming the storm (Mark 4: 35-41). I knew that the One who controlled the winds and the waves also controlled the events of my life. How could I be afraid when the Master was in absolute control? It is hard to explain how real God's presence is at times that seem so bleak. But there was always a sense of peace and the knowledge that this trial would pass and all would be "normal" again. Yes, there were days when I cried out in pain and desperation, but, almost immediately there was a stillness that came over me as He wrapped me in His arms. It felt much the way I remember feeling when my mother would hug me and kiss my tears away.
Second, He prepared the road ahead of me by providing everything I needed. He provided wonderful, Christian doctors; before surgery, my doctor told me that he never went into surgery without first praying. Always in the front of my mind was a desire to glorify Him in this journey. I wanted those around me to know that God was controlling my cancer. To my radiation technicians and to my chemotherapy nurse, I wanted to relay to them that I was so glad God had given them the special skills to take care of me. He provided insurance policies that would take complete care of the financial aspect of cancer; these policies were taken out years ago and long since forgotten by me. He sent loving friends to bring meals and words of support; school friends and church brothers/sisters poured out love upon my family. He provided a longtime friend, who now works with the American Cancer Society, that would help with gas money and wigs.
Third, He renewed many relationships with my family. One of the main prayers I had was that God would use this illness to draw me closer to my family and my family closer to God. Of course, my faithful Lord has exceeded my expectations. One nephew is sending daily scriptures through text message. One sister has dusted off her Bible and has sent encouraging scriptures on "those days."
My other sister has been faithful to call each week so she can give the report to the prayer group on Wednesday night. The third sister has told me often that she is praying for me. My oldest daughter has come home to help care for me and for the first time in many, many years both of my daughters were at church with me. My three little grandsons have learned the power of prayer; their sweet little prayers have blessed me on "those dark days." There are no words that can describe my awesome husband; he has kept the family going in these days.
So the end of this cancer journey is my happy birthday present. Praise God who does great things and gives me blessing beyond measure.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
God's Manifestation in the LIfe of His Children
God is good, all the time, in all circumstances.
It has been awhile since I have written an update on my battle of cancer. This journey has been longer than anticipated but the prayers of friends and family have sustained. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." has been my encouragement.
I want to tell a story about God's real, physical manifestation in the middle of this battle. It is a long story with flashbacks, but if you stick it out and read the whole thing, you will see a blessing from God. Although this blessing was for me, I believe that if we look for them, He sends blessings in all of the lives of His children.
I must be honest, about two weeks I fell into a pit of despair. It had been a week of intense side effects from the Chemo. In addition to the physical pain, the fatigue had incapacitated me to the point of that I could not function physically or mentally. I knew God was in control but I began to cry out to Him, "What is the purpose of this illness? Can you please just show me some reason for this?"
Carl came home for lunch and brought in the mail. This was literally in the midst of my crying out. There was a letter from the Texas Teacher Retirement system telling me that I had made a mistake on my application. This added to my despair. I needed that money to open the business and now there would be more delay. But the last sentence of the letter was the hidden blessing. "We must have a written statement saying that you are not buying back your years or the money for the years."
OK, first flashback. I was an instructional aide for six years. When I decided to go back to school, I pulled my Teacher Retirement to pay for my teaching degree. When I decided to retire the TRS (Teacher Retirement System) sent me two estimates, one with the six years and one without the six years. The cost to buy back those six years was $14,000. I dismissed the possibility because I did not have $14,000 thousand dollars. So the retirement papers were filled out and sent in without the additional years.
Flashback number two. Years ago I bought a disability policy from work. I had completely forgotten about the policy. The BISD payroll clerk, Suzanne Baker, called me to ask me if I wanted to file for the disability. I had to do the claim before my last day of work since I was retiring. Of course, I wanted to file for the disability. Now you may call this chance, but I call it God. This could have gone unclaimed, but I believe God placed it in Suzanne's mind to call me about this policy. You see, because I had so many sick days,I did not fall into the normal need to make this claim. Suzanne told me that it just suddenly occurred to her to check on my disability insurance. So we quickly sent off the claim and waited to see what the payoff would be. When the check came, I was astounded by the amount of the check. I deposited into the bank and thought I would decide what to do with it later.
Back to the day of my despair. Remember, I got the letter from TRS. Carl put it aside and said we would deal with it later, since obviously I was in no state to think about anything at that moment.
OK, I am getting to the good part so keep reading. I went to bed that night and fell asleep. At 2 AM I was literally awaken with a clear mind and with one thought. Because of the disability check, I have the $14,000 to buy back my years. With more energy than I had had for months, I got out of bed and found my retirement packet. If I bought back the years, the difference in my lump sum payoff was $25,000 and the difference in my monthly annuity would be $500. Wow, God is so good.
Do you get it? In His "pro""vision" God had now provided for my future in a very physical, real way. Not only would the lump sum allow me to buy the building for the my new business and have enough for stock; now I would have an extra $500 a month for the rest of my life! God saw what I could not see and He used the circumstance of this illness to provide for my needs the rest of my life.
You can imagine Carl's surprise when he woke up to a wife with renewed energy and excited about life. I could hardly wait for the bank to open so I could go get the check to send it to TRS.
Now, I don't want you to miss the blessing here. The disability money came after the first retirement application was sent to TRS. If I had not made the mistake, I would not have been able to buy the years back. Now you may think I am stretching here, but I truly believe that God's timing is supreme and it was God's timing throughout this process.
So, I want to leave you with the Message version of Jeremiah 29:11. I find the Message is written in more direct language that hard headed people like me need to hear sometimes. "I know what I am doing, I have it all planned out---plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."
Praise God for whom all blessings flow!
It has been awhile since I have written an update on my battle of cancer. This journey has been longer than anticipated but the prayers of friends and family have sustained. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." has been my encouragement.
I want to tell a story about God's real, physical manifestation in the middle of this battle. It is a long story with flashbacks, but if you stick it out and read the whole thing, you will see a blessing from God. Although this blessing was for me, I believe that if we look for them, He sends blessings in all of the lives of His children.
I must be honest, about two weeks I fell into a pit of despair. It had been a week of intense side effects from the Chemo. In addition to the physical pain, the fatigue had incapacitated me to the point of that I could not function physically or mentally. I knew God was in control but I began to cry out to Him, "What is the purpose of this illness? Can you please just show me some reason for this?"
Carl came home for lunch and brought in the mail. This was literally in the midst of my crying out. There was a letter from the Texas Teacher Retirement system telling me that I had made a mistake on my application. This added to my despair. I needed that money to open the business and now there would be more delay. But the last sentence of the letter was the hidden blessing. "We must have a written statement saying that you are not buying back your years or the money for the years."
OK, first flashback. I was an instructional aide for six years. When I decided to go back to school, I pulled my Teacher Retirement to pay for my teaching degree. When I decided to retire the TRS (Teacher Retirement System) sent me two estimates, one with the six years and one without the six years. The cost to buy back those six years was $14,000. I dismissed the possibility because I did not have $14,000 thousand dollars. So the retirement papers were filled out and sent in without the additional years.
Flashback number two. Years ago I bought a disability policy from work. I had completely forgotten about the policy. The BISD payroll clerk, Suzanne Baker, called me to ask me if I wanted to file for the disability. I had to do the claim before my last day of work since I was retiring. Of course, I wanted to file for the disability. Now you may call this chance, but I call it God. This could have gone unclaimed, but I believe God placed it in Suzanne's mind to call me about this policy. You see, because I had so many sick days,I did not fall into the normal need to make this claim. Suzanne told me that it just suddenly occurred to her to check on my disability insurance. So we quickly sent off the claim and waited to see what the payoff would be. When the check came, I was astounded by the amount of the check. I deposited into the bank and thought I would decide what to do with it later.
Back to the day of my despair. Remember, I got the letter from TRS. Carl put it aside and said we would deal with it later, since obviously I was in no state to think about anything at that moment.
OK, I am getting to the good part so keep reading. I went to bed that night and fell asleep. At 2 AM I was literally awaken with a clear mind and with one thought. Because of the disability check, I have the $14,000 to buy back my years. With more energy than I had had for months, I got out of bed and found my retirement packet. If I bought back the years, the difference in my lump sum payoff was $25,000 and the difference in my monthly annuity would be $500. Wow, God is so good.
Do you get it? In His "pro""vision" God had now provided for my future in a very physical, real way. Not only would the lump sum allow me to buy the building for the my new business and have enough for stock; now I would have an extra $500 a month for the rest of my life! God saw what I could not see and He used the circumstance of this illness to provide for my needs the rest of my life.
You can imagine Carl's surprise when he woke up to a wife with renewed energy and excited about life. I could hardly wait for the bank to open so I could go get the check to send it to TRS.
Now, I don't want you to miss the blessing here. The disability money came after the first retirement application was sent to TRS. If I had not made the mistake, I would not have been able to buy the years back. Now you may think I am stretching here, but I truly believe that God's timing is supreme and it was God's timing throughout this process.
So, I want to leave you with the Message version of Jeremiah 29:11. I find the Message is written in more direct language that hard headed people like me need to hear sometimes. "I know what I am doing, I have it all planned out---plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."
Praise God for whom all blessings flow!
Friday, April 22, 2011
My Cancer Journey Continues
Dear Family and Friends,
I want to begin by thanking all of you for your loving prayers, wonderful meals, and precious cards during these last months. I do not know how anyone could make it through a severe illness without the support of families and friends.
I am writing this to you about my cancer journey. First, let me say that I am clinging more than ever to Romans 15:13, “May the God of Hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in Him that you may overflow with Hope through the Power of the Holy Spirit.” I have a wonderful Doctor (Dr. Phillips) who reminds me at each visit that he consults with God about the treatment of his patients. So while I have confidence in the skill of this Godly man, I still proclaim that my Hope is in God.
My surgery in November went well and the doctor was able to remove a tumor that led to the diagnosis of Endometrial Stromal Sarcoma. I went through six weeks of daily radiation treatments at the Harrington Cancer Center under the care of Dr. Stafford. God blessed me by providing wonderful professional who took me through the treatments with tender care. At each step of the journey, I have not been afraid because my faith remains unshaken. For I know the same Savior who controls the wind and the waves has my life in His hands (Mark 4:35-40).
On each step of this journey, I have prayed that I would not have to undergo Chemotherapy, mainly due to the memories I have of my mother’s chemotherapy treatments many years ago. I confess to you that I did not want this leg of my journey and I have prayed asking God to spare me these treatments. For the first time in my life, I think I have a small understanding of Jesus’ prayer to let the cup pass from Him (Luke 22: 42). But, God has a different plan for me and so the next step of my journey will be six to eight months of Chemotherapy. I will receive the treatments in Lubbock every three weeks and will last six hours each time. During these months I will cling to Romans 5:1-5 knowing that my faith increases my hope.
So once again, I am asking you to pray for me and my family (James 5:13-16). Please pray for me on Monday, April 24th as the doctor implants the port for the Chemotherapy treatments. Please pray for travel safety as we will be going to Lubbock every three weeks. Please pray for my family as they care for me. Please pray for me as I endure the side effects of the Chemotherapy treatments, beginning Tuesday, April 25th. Please for me that I will regain my strength between treatments to be able to continue my daily activities.
I want to close by reaffirming to you that I have felt God’s presence at each leg of this journey. The most recent evidence comes in the form of the TAKS test. As many of you know, one of my jobs for BISD has been to coordinate the administration of the TAKS test at BMS. This is a time consuming job that takes an extreme amount of energy. This year, it was decided—long before anyone knew I was sick—to turn this responsibility over to the BMS Counselor. Next week is the “big” week of TAKS administration—there will be a test every day. I love the way God made provision for my illness and the beginning of Chemo treatments. There is no doubt in my mind, heart, or soul that God knew I would begin this difficult leg of my journey the same week as the “big” TAKS week.
To God be the Glory; Great things He has done; Great things He will do.
I want to begin by thanking all of you for your loving prayers, wonderful meals, and precious cards during these last months. I do not know how anyone could make it through a severe illness without the support of families and friends.
I am writing this to you about my cancer journey. First, let me say that I am clinging more than ever to Romans 15:13, “May the God of Hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in Him that you may overflow with Hope through the Power of the Holy Spirit.” I have a wonderful Doctor (Dr. Phillips) who reminds me at each visit that he consults with God about the treatment of his patients. So while I have confidence in the skill of this Godly man, I still proclaim that my Hope is in God.
My surgery in November went well and the doctor was able to remove a tumor that led to the diagnosis of Endometrial Stromal Sarcoma. I went through six weeks of daily radiation treatments at the Harrington Cancer Center under the care of Dr. Stafford. God blessed me by providing wonderful professional who took me through the treatments with tender care. At each step of the journey, I have not been afraid because my faith remains unshaken. For I know the same Savior who controls the wind and the waves has my life in His hands (Mark 4:35-40).
On each step of this journey, I have prayed that I would not have to undergo Chemotherapy, mainly due to the memories I have of my mother’s chemotherapy treatments many years ago. I confess to you that I did not want this leg of my journey and I have prayed asking God to spare me these treatments. For the first time in my life, I think I have a small understanding of Jesus’ prayer to let the cup pass from Him (Luke 22: 42). But, God has a different plan for me and so the next step of my journey will be six to eight months of Chemotherapy. I will receive the treatments in Lubbock every three weeks and will last six hours each time. During these months I will cling to Romans 5:1-5 knowing that my faith increases my hope.
So once again, I am asking you to pray for me and my family (James 5:13-16). Please pray for me on Monday, April 24th as the doctor implants the port for the Chemotherapy treatments. Please pray for travel safety as we will be going to Lubbock every three weeks. Please pray for my family as they care for me. Please pray for me as I endure the side effects of the Chemotherapy treatments, beginning Tuesday, April 25th. Please for me that I will regain my strength between treatments to be able to continue my daily activities.
I want to close by reaffirming to you that I have felt God’s presence at each leg of this journey. The most recent evidence comes in the form of the TAKS test. As many of you know, one of my jobs for BISD has been to coordinate the administration of the TAKS test at BMS. This is a time consuming job that takes an extreme amount of energy. This year, it was decided—long before anyone knew I was sick—to turn this responsibility over to the BMS Counselor. Next week is the “big” week of TAKS administration—there will be a test every day. I love the way God made provision for my illness and the beginning of Chemo treatments. There is no doubt in my mind, heart, or soul that God knew I would begin this difficult leg of my journey the same week as the “big” TAKS week.
To God be the Glory; Great things He has done; Great things He will do.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Father Are You There?
I was one of those bad Moms; I let my children sleep with me. My youngest was especially attached and when Dad decided she was to old to sleep between us, it was hard for her to be alone in her room. Almost every morning we would find her laying on the floor beside our bed inside her sleeping bag. No matter what punishment we threatened, fear would grip her during the night and here she would come. She just wanted to be near us.
When she was in second grade we moved into a new house. It was decided that Kimberly's room would be the one attached to the master bedroom. There was even a door that came from her room into ours. Surely this would make her feel safe at night so she could finally sleep in her own bed.
But each night the old fears would attack and she would say, "Mommy, can you hear me?" I would reply, "Yes, baby, I can hear you, can you hear me?" Seconds later, "Mommy, are you there?" "Yes, baby, I am still here?" In just a few minutes, "Mommy, can you hear me breathing?" With a deep sigh I would say, "Yes, baby, can you hear me breathing?" After a longer time, "Mommy, I love you, are you there?" With a smile, I would reply, "Yes baby, I am here, I love you, too." As sleep would begin to invade her little body, I usually got one last request, " Mommy, if you hear something will you come get me?" Knowing she was almost asleep I would reassure her, "Yes, Baby, but you are safe so go to sleep."
Now years later, I find myself being that little girl wanting reassurance from my Father. As I wait on the doctors, I find myself saying, "Father, can you hear me?" I am always met with the answer, "Yes, Debi, I can hear you."
Feeling confident, I proceed into life, but then comes another doctor appointment and more news and again I cry out, "Father, are you there?" "Yes, child, I am here." Once again, reassured and confident, I go on about my daily life.
Then Satan sends his ugly fear again, and I finding myself gasping, "Father, can you hear me breathing?" Lovingly He reminds me, "Yes child, I am the breath of life, I hear you breathing."
When she was in second grade we moved into a new house. It was decided that Kimberly's room would be the one attached to the master bedroom. There was even a door that came from her room into ours. Surely this would make her feel safe at night so she could finally sleep in her own bed.
But each night the old fears would attack and she would say, "Mommy, can you hear me?" I would reply, "Yes, baby, I can hear you, can you hear me?" Seconds later, "Mommy, are you there?" "Yes, baby, I am still here?" In just a few minutes, "Mommy, can you hear me breathing?" With a deep sigh I would say, "Yes, baby, can you hear me breathing?" After a longer time, "Mommy, I love you, are you there?" With a smile, I would reply, "Yes baby, I am here, I love you, too." As sleep would begin to invade her little body, I usually got one last request, " Mommy, if you hear something will you come get me?" Knowing she was almost asleep I would reassure her, "Yes, Baby, but you are safe so go to sleep."
Now years later, I find myself being that little girl wanting reassurance from my Father. As I wait on the doctors, I find myself saying, "Father, can you hear me?" I am always met with the answer, "Yes, Debi, I can hear you."
Feeling confident, I proceed into life, but then comes another doctor appointment and more news and again I cry out, "Father, are you there?" "Yes, child, I am here." Once again, reassured and confident, I go on about my daily life.
Then Satan sends his ugly fear again, and I finding myself gasping, "Father, can you hear me breathing?" Lovingly He reminds me, "Yes child, I am the breath of life, I hear you breathing."
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